出国留学网

目录

新gre红宝书2012:issue官方范文(三)9

字典 |

2012-01-18 00:49

|

推荐访问

官方范文

【 liuxue86.com - GRE作文 】

Gre写作是美国所有作文考试中时刻最长而质量要求最高的一类作文考试,而在短期内提高gre写作能力不是一天两天可以完成额,所以我们在备考2011新gre写作时必然要对问题问题深切的剖析,体味以下优异范文的文章结构,以提高新gre写作的整体分数。

1、

In todays society we spend to much time addressing issues that will not prepare us for the trials and tributlations facing our young people.

For example, there is a war on drugs that is effecting every family in america, without any consideration for race, gender, or enthic background.

This country needs to develop a systerm on how to deal with this ongoing problem effecting americans.

There are certain issues that constantly take center stage in america; for example race relations has return to the horrible days of the fifiths.

There is know doubt that we are facing troubling times, and we are not paying attention to what is going on. We need to get back to our value systerm, family, work, church, and responsibility and emphasis to our children the importancy of education and respect of others.

If we provide a healthy model we can help curve the violence and mayheam the that is destroying our schools, cities and states.

Finally, if we are proud of being americans, less take this problem and do something about it by diversity training and multi- cultural activities.

Sincerely,

评价

This essay provides little evidence of a coherent response to the topic and contains severe and persistent errors in language and sentence structure.

The essay seems to define "environment" broadly, though vaguely, as the "cultural environment."

While the idea that environmental problems are fundamentally cultural in origin could be the basis for a promising essay, this response does not coherently develop that idea.

Moreover, the writer does not address the issue's claims about international cooperation.

Instead the essay jumps from problem to problem without adequately describing those problems.

For example, "the war on drugs" is referred to as a problem, but it is not clear whether it is law enforcement's "war" on drugs or people's use of drugs that is the issue.

The essay contains numerous errors that interfere with comprehension.

These include errors in word usage ("emphasis to our children," "less take this problem") and grammar ("race relations has return to").

Finally, the essay ends with a closing ("Sincerely") that is more appropriate for a letter than an essay.

感谢您阅读《issue官方范文(三)9 》一文,出国留学网(liuxue86.com)编辑部希望本文能帮助到您。

  想了解更多GRE作文网的资讯,请访问: GRE作文

本文来源:https://gre.liuxue86.com/g/292655.html
延伸阅读