GRE作文是中国学生比较头痛的，经常准备很多时间最后还是只得到3.5。我之所以得到6分，个人认为我的文风比较淳朴扎实，有科学性，写的思路比较广(正、反、特)，字数也比较多(I800+、A700+)。
Lookingattheabovestatement,Iseealotoftruthtothestatement.Therearemanywaysthatsocietyhasusedtheadvancedtechnologyinordertoisolatethemselves.Itmayormaynotbeaconsiousmove,buttheresultsareallthesame.Theisolationoccursinavarietyofwaysandinalldifferentareas.Bycomputerizingfactories,therearemoreandmorepeopleworkinglonghoursbythemselves,withthereonlycompanionasacomputermonitor.Althoughthecompanymaybegettingbetterproduction,thequestionthatneedstobeaskisatwhatcosttotheiremployees.
Itisnotonlythemanagementofbigfactoriesthatareresponsibleforthisisolation.Thislonlinesscanbeseeninmanyothersettings.Withthegrowingpopularityofthetelevision,thenationisseeingadeclineinfamiliestalkingandanincreaseinwatchingthetelevision.Notonlycanthisresultinagenerationof"coachpotatoes",itisalsocauseslesscommunicationandafeelingofisolationfromeveryonethatapersoncaresabout.
Sofartechnologyhasenteredtheworkplaceandthehome,ithasalsoenteredthesocialrelm.Whenyougotoorderfoodinthedrive-thru,whoisorbetteryetwhatisitthatyoutalkto?Itisamachine,althoughthereisapersonontheotherend,youarestillrecitingyourordertoamachine.Ifitisteno’clockatnightandyouneedmoney,thereareATM’s.Allofthesegadgetsmaybeveryniceandconvient,buttheyresultinlackofhumancontact. 中华 考试 网
Althoughitmightbeeasytoblametechnolgyforourfeelingsofloneliness,itisjustacopout.Bylookingatallthewaystechnologycausesisolation,itisstillpeoplewhochoosetousetheseconvenientmethods.Ifapersonwantstohavehumancontact,alltheyhavetodoisgoinsidetothebankorgoinsidetheresturaunttoorder.Whatitbasicallyboilsdownto,isthatitisourchoicewhetherornotweusetechnology.Itisascarythoughttothinkmaybeonedaywemightliveinasocietywhereyouwillneverhavetoleaveyourhouse.ThatbyusingFAXmachines,computers,modems,andthetelephoneapersonwouldneverhavetohavehumancontacttogettheirjobdone.Thethingisthatifthatisnotwhatweasasocietywants,wearetheonestospeakoutandchangetheoutcome.
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Thisresponsepresentsacompetentdiscussionoftheissue.Thepositionpresentedinthefirstparagraph--that"therearemanywaysthatsocietyhasusedtheadvancedtechnologyinordertoisolatethemselves"--isadequatelysustained,buttheexamplesgivenarenotalwaysclearlyrelevant(e.g.,inthecaseofparagraphone’s"computerizing"offactories,thedecisiontousethetechnologyisnotmadebytheindividualworker.)Also,thereasoningisnotdevelopedasfullyasitwouldbeinaresponseatthescorelevelof6or5.
Whileorganizationisadequate,theresponselackstheorganizedcoherenceofideasthatexemplifya5essay.Transitions,withinandbetweenparagraphs,arenotalwayssmoothorlogical.Thelastparagraphcouldbemuchmoreclearlyfocused,i.e.,severalsentencesrepeatthesameidea--that"itisourchoicewhetherornotweusetechnology"--andthepurposeormeaningofothers(e.g.,thelast)isnotimmediatelyclear.
Ingeneral,ideasarepresentedclearly,althoughawkwardphrasingsometimescontributestovagueness(e.g.,"Bylookingatallthewaystechnologycausesisolation,itisstillpeoplewhochoosetousetheseconvenientmethods").Lackofsentencestructurevarietyseemstoinhibitthecommunicationofideas(e.g.,manyshortsentencesareoftenusedwhereoneortwocompoundonescouldmakethepointsmoreeffectively).Overall,thisisanadequateresponsetothetopic.
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