GRE写作成为横在中国学生的理想和现实之间的一大障碍，因此，如何攻克写作这道屏障，成为摆在我们面前的首要任务。
Environmentalproblemswillrequireajointefferctamoungpeopletosolve,however,environmentalproblemsmaynotcausepeopletocometogether.Shouldtheproblemscontinueforanextendedperiodoftimebeforeanyeffertismadetosolvethem,theywillreachapointofnoreturnnomatterhowpeoplecometogethertoworkonit.Whenthishappenstherewillbeincreasedshortageinournaturalresouses.Assupplyofourresoucesgoesdownanddemandremainsthesameorgoesuptherewillbeincreasedpresuretoclaimwhatresoucesremain.Soinsteadofpeopleworkingtogethertosolvetheproblem,theywillbefightingforwhat’sleftbytheproblem.
Tosolvethis,peopleneedtocometogetherbeforetheproblemreachesastateofnoreturn.Thismaybehardtodosincetheeffectsofenvironmentalproblemsarenotyetfeltbyalargedegree(iffeltatall)byeveryone.Atthispointintimemanyfeelitisnotthereproblemtoworryaboutsinceitdoesnotimmediatlyeffectthem.Toremidythispeopleshouldbecomemoreawareoftheircurrentenvironment.
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Thisresponseisseriouslyflawed.Theessay’sstrongestfeatureisitsfairlyclearposition:itagreeswiththeclaimthatenvironmentalproblemswillrequirecooperationandpresentsascenarioforwhatwillhappenifthereisnocooperation--外语学习网conflictoverdiminishingresources.However,thepositionisnotadequatelydeveloped.Threatened"resources"andthe"effectsofenvironmentalproblems"arementionedbutnotspecified,andtheessaydoesnotprovideanyexamplesofhowpeoplemight"cometogether"toaddresstheproblemorhowtheymight"becomemoreawareoftheircurrentenvironment."
Someofthesentencesarewordedclearly("Soinsteadofpeopleworkingtogether???"),butothersaresoflawedbyimprecisewordchoicethatthemeaningisdifficulttounderstand:".??otyetfeltbyalargedegree(iffeltatall)byeveryone."
Also,apervasivepatternoferrors,includingrun-onsentences(thefirstsentence,forexample)andunclearpronounreferentskeepthisessayatthescorelevelof2.
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