Gre写作是美国所有作文考试中时刻最长而质量要求最高的一类作文考试，而在短期内提高gre写作能力不是一天两天可以完成额，所以我们在备考2011新gre写作时必然要对问题问题深切的剖析，体味以下优异范文的文章结构，以提高新gre写作的整体分数。
Therearemanyschoolviolencesineachschool.Thosearebigproblemstoourgovenmentandsocial.Schoolviolenceseffectthestudyingofstudents.Thisisveryserious,evensomestudentsarenervioustogoschool.Infact,thegovernmentmustgivestudentsacleanplacetostudy.Teachersshouldhelpstudentsknowitisadutytostudy.So,everyoneshouldfacethosebigproblems.
Doweknowwhatarestudents’ideas?Dotheeducatorstrytoknow?Mosteducatorshopethegovenmentcangivestudentsmoreandhelpthemmore.Thesearepeople’shope.Butitissounfortunatethatstudentscan’thaveagoodplacetostudy.Also,teachershavetoteachthestudents.Notthatstudentscanknowwhattostudybythemself.Inthecompus,therearemanyguyssellthedrugsandacoholtoyoungerstudents.Whythoseguyscangointotheschool?Thatisalsothemainproblem. 中华考试网(www．liuxue86。com)
Whenwewerelittle,wedidn’tknowwhatiscorrectandwhatiswrong.Soweloseourselfeasily.Atthesametime,weneedmuchcarefromparentsandteachers.Soourteachersandparentsplaytheimportantrolesandtheyownmustdobetter.Becausesomestudentslearnsomebadhabitsfromtheirteachersandparents.
Ifwewanttoresolvealltheproblems,wemustfacetheproblemsandfindoutthereasons,thentrytoresolvethem.Wealsomustcareallstudents.Ifwecanhelpthem,tringtodoourbest.Then,theproblemswillbecomelessandless.
COMMENTARY
Thisisaseriouslyflawedresponsetothetopic.Thewriterbeginsbydiscussingschoolviolenceandtheneedforagoodplacetostudy,parentalandteacherinfluence,andresolutionofschoolproblems.Theissueofwhoshoulddeterminethecurriculum,teachersorstudents,isimpliedbutnotaddresseddirectly.Infact,teacher-directedlearningseemstobeasmallpointinaseriesofconcernsrelatedtoschoolviolence.Thedevelopmentofapositionontheissueisunfocusedanddisorganized.Eventheexample,drugselling,relatestoschoolviolenceandnottocurricularresponsibility.
Languageerrorsarenumerous.Problemswithcorrectuseoftense,diction,wordorder,sentencestructure,andsubject-verbagreementalsointerferewithmeaning.Hadthewriternotincludedreferencestoteachershelpingstudentsknowwhattostudy,theessaywouldprobablyhavereceivedascoreof1insteadofa2.
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